How To Survive The Office Christmas Party
Office Christmas Party Spotting
Here at The Vino Van we adore Christmas, that could be because Prosecco is Britain’s unrivalled drink of choice for celebrations. Christmas brings lots of opportunities for letting your hair down and whether you love it or hate it the office Christmas party is often the major night out on the festive calendar. It’s a tricky one though, you spend all year working with your colleagues, possibly only ever seeing them in the tea room politely passing the milk or uttering a brief good morning on the stairs. The office party can, and very often does, change all of that, bringing out all manner of sides to personalities that you’ve never seen before. Ahh, the power of a tipple, or seven.
From our vantage point behind the bar we’ve come up with a theory that most party goers can be categorized into one description or another, once they’ve had a glass or two. Can you spot any of your colleagues (or maybe yourself) on our list?
There is always at least one person crying in a toilet cubicle, or worse, at the bar. We’re not ones to generalize but it’s usually a woman. The reason will usually be completely ridiculous and as the hysterics get even more, well, hysterical and the weeping more pronounced that reason could be completely forgotten.
Expect: Weeping and wailing
You’ll need: A multi pack of tissues
Often found at the edge of the dance floor The Creep will basically be anywhere that females are congregating. Generally male, he’s quite often perfectly respectable during office hours, but the moral compass goes spinning way out of control at the merest whiff of tinsel and punch. Personal space? Huh? What’s that?
Expect: Over familiar with the hand on the shoulder, or waist, or much, much worse…
You’ll need: to leg it
Very often the quietest member of staff by day, but by night this person, and they could be male or female, could give stand-up comedians at the Hammersmith Odeon a run for their money. Or rather, they would if their banter was any good. The confidence is there, the good jokes, however, may not be.
Expect: To hear the same joke on repeat
You’ll need: An Oscar winning fake laugh
Your New Best Friend
We’ve all got one at work, the person that you just have a little connection with. You might casually email them in the quiet office to say something very mature, like, ‘Duh! Who does Susan think she actually is??????’ Or, ‘Is 10.15 too early for lunch?’ Add your share (and a little bit more) of the free bar and you’ll be closer to this person than you are your own mother by the time the buffet is open.
Expect: Room for a new best buddy
You’ll need: To forget your dignity because you’ll be sharing a loo with this person by about 9pm
The dancer is a rare breed and one that every party MUST have. Again, male or female, no matter, they’re the one on the empty dance floor loving life by busting some moves that the whole panel of Strictly judges would flash a 10 for. The floor may be theirs but this mover knows no end, so the walk to the loo, the queue for the bar, the buffet table, the cloakroom – they’re all opportunities for a shimmy too.
Expect: To be FORCED to dance. Probably very awkwardly
You’ll need: Moves, or a sharp exit
Definitely not exclusively female, the bitch can be, and often is, male. Very often a little quiet during the day, a bit subdued even, not joining in conversation but often observing from the side lines. Add alcohol and boom! Watch them go. The bitch knows no ends, from outfit choices and how awful their job is – and yours too to what a truly crap boss you have and how cheap the office tea bags are.
You’ll need: To get out of there fast